Sunday, August 3, 2008

Perpetual Sadness

So I am not sure I am even going to actually post this but I thought it might do me some good to write about it anyway. I cannot begin to describe the sadness that overwhelms me these days. My heart is breaking watching Mason lag way behind his peers. I'm frightened that he may also have Tourette's in addition to austim. He has begun stuttering as well. Watching his anxiety grow and him struggle to communicate is almost more than I can bear. On our family trip to the beach I don't think he spoke more than 10 words total -- his anxiety was that high.

It is a challenge to enroll him in activities such as Vacation Bible School and I feel the need to be close by in case I am needed. I am so worried for his future that I often wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep. I'm longing for our meeting with the experts at TEACCH (which is going to happen in a week or so) and feeling the need for connection with others who are experiencing the same sorts of feelings.

So, despite the heartbreak I am feeling, we HAVE had a good summer. July was a whirlwind and it is hard to believe we are looking at school starting soon. August is full of doctor/dentist appointments, open houses, and preparations. I am excited for the programs that all of my kids will be attending this school year. I'll end with some pictures from the beach -- what a fun week!




1 comment:

Unknown said...

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry you're having a hard time right now. I can only imagine how this must be affecting you. I am glad you posted this. Got it off your heart and into the world. You are not alone. You're not alone because there are people who will support you and care about you. You're also not alone because there are other mothers who have experienced these same emotions. I am so sorry. But I will say that you are a fantastic mother and Mason is so lucky to have you.