Broken Hearted

Ok, so I wasn't sure if I should blog about this, but it is weighing heavy on my heart and it is also an easy way of updating those of you who have been following our journey with Mason.

He recently started his new classes with his Special Education teacher. I am loving his teacher, she has a son who was diagnosed with Aspberger's so I feel as if her credibility shot up about 100% with me! In addition to his main teacher he also has a Speech Teacher (who is in there the entire time) that I really love, she picked up on his need for an OT eval immediately. Therefore,soon, he will be evaluated by an OT as well for some sensory stuff we see going on.

His teacher asked to speak to me this week about Mason, mainly because we have not had a chance yet to discuss things. She feels as if he needs MUCH more help (I agree) and wants to work on a long term plan for him. As it stands now, the long term plan is as follows:

*Stick to this schedule (Tues. and Thurs. mornings with a helper who comes out to his pre-school once a week) for the remainder of the year
*Some intense speech therapy this summer (6 weeks 2 times/week one on one with a therapist)
*Next year she wants him 4-5 days in her afternoon class as well as attending his private pre-school 4-5 days in the mornings

(Here is where my heart starts breaking) If this plan does not "catch him up" then the following year (the year we would plan on holding him back) he could attend a special education class for Kindergarteners and 1st graders with delays. It is at a good school and, at the end of 1st grade, he would be assessed to see about progressing into a "mainstream" class or remaining in Special Ed.

I can barely type those words without tearing up. I CANNOT imagine my baby in Special Ed. When I was in school, Special Ed classes were more of a holding tank (clearly that is my bias and I have no idea what actually went on). Regardless, I am having a difficult time with this. I sometimes feel as if I just don't have the strength to fight for 2 of them like I am going to have to once they hit school.

So, that is my sob story, tempered by the fact that I know there are others out there with many bigger hurdles to jump (thus, my guilt kicks in!). I am lucky to have a happy, healthy, sweet little boy and if we need this plan, we will do it to the best of our ability!

So, because I feel as if I have neglected the other two a bit in my emotions surrounding Mason, here are a couple of compensatory pictures. (And, seriously, though my pictures NEVER reflect it, I can promise you my kids ARE clean from time to time without stained clothes and food all over them!)

Funny things kids say/do

So, I need to write these down or I will forget -- I figure this is as good a place as ever:

Matthew on Christmas trees: "You know, George Washington planted the first Christmas tree, that is why he was our first President."

Mason on Buzz Liteyear: "I am Duzz Yiteyear, I come in pizza." (as opposed to "I am Buzz Liteyear, I come in peace.")

Matthew: "Mom, you were right!"
Me: "About what, Matthew?" (thinking this was about an altercation with a friend)
Matthew: "Everybody farts."

And, to end this insightful entry, a picture of my child (at the dinner table again, sense a theme?) as Sir Elton John.

So, it snowed!

And it is supposed to snow again tomorrow. And I am wondering if that is God's laughter I hear or my Mothers! The boys were out of school Thursday and Friday and will be out for MLK Jr. holiday both Monday and Tuesday of next week. That is SIX DAYS STRAIGHT (count 'em) of NO PEER INTERACTION!!!!!!!!!

More good news.... snow on the way again tonight expected to snow all day tomorrow which will probably cancel church (again, see above for 6 days of no peer interaction!).

So, today it was a matter of either go to the mall and get out while we can, or go crazy. At the end of our trip, it was a little of both!

Pics of our "snow" day (those of you up North will laugh at our snow!)And, excuse our goofy snow outfits -- it doesn't snow enough down here to make snowsuits worth it!

It's been a week!

We started our new schedule this week with Mason in his new program. I officially feel like a taxi driver! Tuesdays and Thursdays are especially brutal ferrying Mason out to his school and after pre-school, speech for Matthew. Matthew has asked that he be able to take swim lessons and the thought of that just makes me want to lay down and sleep!

Mason's program seems to be good so far. The staff at the school was friendly, the classroom is age appropriate, and the teacher was super organized. I especially like his speech teacher and she has already picked up on the fact that he has sensory issues and needs to be evaluated by an OT. I am grateful for her. I so want to help him get where he needs to be developmentally. I think the gap will be even greater next year.

I remember starting this similar journey with Matthew when he was diagnosed with ADHD. It is so scary and I just want to help remove as many obstacles as possible. Though Matthew's journey was different, it brings up the same kinds of feelings when I am advocating for Mason. On the bright side, Matthew has made SO much progress in the 2 years since he was diagnosed. I spoke to his teacher the other day and she is very impressed and thinks his ADHD his very mild. I am hopeful we will have a smooth transition to Kindergarten.

So, I'll end this blog with a picture of the special visitor we had for dinner this week. :)

I am speechless

though I encourage you to read the comments listed....

http://www.cookiemag.com/magazine/blogs/daysitter/2008/01/have-your-bride.html

and in case you did not see enough pics:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/01/07/cake.irpt/index.html

Discombobulated

You know you are discombobulated when:

You go to get dressed and cannot find the shoes you want to wear that are right in front of your face.

You forget three days in a row to put on the beef stew that you planned for a meal.

You leave your wallet in the parking lot at Target (thank goodness it was found!)after forgetting 2 things that were on your list to buy.

You set your alarm for 7:00 p.m. rather than 7:00 a.m.

Unfortunately, the list goes on....

I am sure that all the stress of Mason's issues have much to do with my utter incompetence, though the fact that I've been up with the dogs the past week cleaning up their doggy diarreha (they are both sick with a virus) can't be helping matters! Because I need ANOTHER reason to be so out of sorts, I also have a hacking cough. Has anyone tried the Vick's on your feet trick? It works pretty well! Anyway, off to bed now!

What do I do?

So I am at an impass. Mason, our middle child, has "developmental delays." We've had quite a journey so far -- mainly being bounced around from one place to the next. We literally went to see one developmental psychologist who was happy to take our $100 (for 30 minutes) to tell us that he can't help us. The problem is, the place everyone is referring us to only takes children up to their third birthday!

Anyway, we went through the school system and a day full of hellacious testing (3 hours straight without a break!!!!) to qualify for services. The problem with the services is that the school we are "zoned for" is like 25 minutes from our house. That is quite a hike considering Matthew has to be taken to school as well in a different place. I tried to apply for a zone transfer and was given some lame excuses as to why we could not transfer. Ah! The pleasure of dealing with our public school system.

We are still going to pursue the help the school system offers while I search for something we can do in the private sector to help. I figure it is better than nothing (unless I am proven wrong!). He basically qualifies for a half day program 2 days/week and one day a week of a case worker coming out to his pre-school to work with him. This will mean Mason will go to pre-school 5 days/week now. I am somewhat concerned about that pace for him, but recognize he needs help. I am also concerned that this program runs on the school calendar so he will receive no services during the summer.... as if his problems are going to just diminish for that period of time.

I hate that we don't have a diagnosis. I hate that it is proving so hard to find help for my son! I hate that he is delayed and his big brother doesn't want to play with him because he is too "baby." I mostly hate that I can't fix the situation and feel as if I put him in it to begin with!

I feel ungrateful for even posting this vent. I spoke to ny next door neighbor (one of my heroes for sure!) on the phone about the situation because she is a guidance counselor in one of our public schools. I just wanted to know if she knew of any other options. In addition to her profession, she has a child who was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma at age 3. Morgan made it through that horrible illness with the amazing support of her family and I can't even begin to know how Allison and Jerry (her parents) made it through that awful time. Morgan is now 8 years old and was recently diagnosed with Aspberger's. That is such a drop in the bucket for Jerry and Allison who watched many children diagnosed with the same cancer as Morgan die. They are just grateful for having her here with them. It certainly puts our problems in perspective....

So, for the New Year, along with the "weight loss/getting healthy goals", and the "get my self organized" goals, I will resolve to find my son the help that he needs keeping in mind it could be much worse.