I'm a woman on a mission

I WILL get organized and I WILL clean my house. Maybe if I say that enough I will believe it!

I have finally accepted that Nate Berkus or Trading Spaces or any number of other shows/designers like that are not going to show up on my doorstep and beg to re-do my playroom. It was a hard reality to face, but I have faced it and have decided to take matters into my own somewhat-capable hands. I should add here that my friend Linda graciously offered to come and help and I am not far from calling to ask for her assistance!

The first two orders of business are:

1) add seating in the playroom (which proves challenging because we have an ENORMOUS cube of a television which my husband substituted for a sports car to compensate for God knows what in his single days. That damn television WILL NOT DIE but I have hope for a replacement when the analog signals are no longer in use in a few years). I found a great deal of a loveseat on Target.com and that is on its way to us. Hopefully, it will cut down on the amount of fighting that goes on for the ONE chair that is in there now (of course, those of you with multiple children know that I am only fooling myself!)

2) Increase storage areas (to make room for seating) that look half way decent since our playroom is one of the first you see when you walk in our house (it is techinically the formal living room). I am working on this too, thanks to Target.com (who needs Nate when you have Target?) and have also purged many toys to give to the local women's shelter.

I am well on my way, dontcha think? Yeah, now if I can purge/organize MY stuff I'd be doing much better. Anyone want to send Nate to help with THAT project?

Merry Bistmas Anyone!!!!!

From my son Mason :)

Have you heard of the Saxoflute? If not, let me show you a picture of the evil thing (see below).

I can more than assure you it is created by Satan and my children are more than happy to toot on that thing day in and day out. Matthew has even perfected the art of saxoflouting while playing his new Leapster!

While I am at it, let me show you another totally and utterly useless toy:

Yes, this is the shoddily made and won't-really-work remote control flying bat made by Discovery Toys. I like to call it "cheap piece of shit." The stupid "remote" part of it is just a device that helps you wind the sucker up for flying -- it doesn't work. In fact, the entire thing doesn't work -- the bat just takes a nosedive into the floor and then the kids cry "Mommy, the bat doesn't fly!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yeah, that is because Santa bought a cheap piece of shit toy!

Lest you think our "Bistmas" was filled with cheap and/or annoying toys, we had a nice one. Mason received a vaccum that is working VERY well -- in fact, I will be stocking up on "C" sized batteries as he never turns it off. However, when he IS done with it at night (right before bed) he stores it in the same closet as my vaccum. I find this incredibly adorable! (pic of Mason with vaccum never far from him!)

I hope you all had a Merry Bistmas! :)

This is one of those days... ok, maybe weeks

Do you have those days? I am just annoyed in general with the world (well, maybe not with you, the person reading my blog). I think it began yesterday. Sundays are always hectic trying to get myself and 3 children ready for church with minimal help from Mike. In addition to the regular diaper bags, snacks, coats, etc. I had to collect the teacher gifts and a dish for our pot luck luncheon. We get to church and I deposit the older kids at classes, then take Mead to the nursery. The nursery worker (who is a big ol' complainer anyway) says to me, "I was thinking about Mead today. I was hoping he wouldn't come so I wouldn't have to hold him the whole time if he cried." NICE! Since then I've thought of a million responses to her comment, but at the time it honestly rendered me speechless.

That has set the tone, apparently, for the week. If my kids could have driven me anymore crazy today I don't know how they would have done it. Mason has chewed holes in his shirts (damn oral fixation!), Matthew ate 6 popsicles before I even got downstairs, Mead has followed me around insisting on being held (good thing his nursery worker from church wasn't here!). It's been nuts -- not to mention I've been on my feet all day doing laundry, changing sheets, getting snacks and making gingerbread cookies for Christmas parties.

Of course the icing on the proverbial cake is that my husband is being an ass. Not quite sure why, but he was in a hell of a mood earlier and it was a relief when he left for work!

While I am talking about things that annoy the shit out of me.... do any of your kids get those printed pencils in gift bags? I am sure they are handy when your children are older, however my five year old has NO need for printed pencils. He doesn't do math problems yet and they just kind of hang out in drawers, not sharpened, sometimes used for weapons...

More annoyances.... WHY do my children eat so much? Seriously, between the three of them they can polish off a pizza. How can that be????

Ok, so after all of that, it wasn't SUCH a bad day. The boys had Christmas Chapel today at pre-school and I took a few pics. They dress up as characters in the nativity scene so this is my shepherd (with angel halo) and one of the 3 wisemen (not sure if that is quite appropriate). They are deceptively cute! I am just flat worn out!

You know what sucks?

"Frosty Returns". Yeah, that's right, I'm not afraid to say it. "Frosty Returns" (as in Frosty the Snowman) might be one of the most embarrassing sequels ever. Who does that? Who takes a classic like "Frosty" and ruins it with a stupid plot and really bad songs? Evidently, Bill Melendez, that's who (whoever HE is)!

HA! I feel vindicated... look at these reviews (scroll down) -- surely it is bad if these random people agree with me! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106973/. I am writing this to save you 30 minutes of your life. It is just so not worth it. Watch the original "Frosty" again, instead of trying to figure this one out! And now, my public service announcement is over.

My glamour shots

I was cleaning out some of the picture files in my computer today and came across these gems of yester-year. (Maybe I should say I came across these pictures that will totally date me!) Anyway, I thought you might enjoy (relate), seeing as I was quite the fashionista! In fact, how about we take it pic by pic and I will describe the fashion of the times (uh, defend the bad choices my parents made?)

First, the sweatshirt hoodie with cowboy hat.... did you not sport that look? By the background, you can tell I was not walking a red carpet, but rather visiting my grandmothers farm. Hopefully, that is a good enough excuse. I wonder, however, about my proctology career ambitions.....

Next, we will move to the denim dress with the chicken applique. I think my expression kind of sums up this look (what the heck, Mom? Why do I have an appliqued fowl on my dress?). Of course, the tweed, plaid couch really provides a beautiful background for this fashion masterpiece!

Do you like the bonnet? I actually DO have an excuse for this one that is valid and verifiable. It was Halloween and I was Holly Hobbie ! I swear!

Now the red turtleneck and patent leather, knee-high boots? Uh, no excuses there. Just some bad fashion choices... right up to the red yarn ribbon in my hair.

The tutu and nice scarf? Ballet recital.... I just won't mention that I didn't ONLY wear that little number for the performance!

Finally, nothing says "prom" like Gunne Sax! Funny story about this picture. This was my senior year and after I graduated from high school, my parents moved back to NC. They, evidently, had this picture hanging on their fridge in NC. I went on to college in Texas and was not around at all. My brothers friends used to think that was his older, adpoted, Korean sister and her husband on their wedding day (it WAS "in" then to give bouquet's instead of corsages!!!)

So I had this dream....

Let me clarify first (so you don't pack me up and move me away!). I am reading Vanishing Acts by Jody Piccoult (for any who may have read it) and it includes a character who is in prison. So my dream was that, as a punishment for prisoners, they have to take Christmas pictures for people who have multiple children (nice that I apparently have no problem with my children being around convicted felons!). I guess maybe the dream was because of pictures like these:

Does this happen to you?

Just some random thoughts/questions:

1. You get a call soliciting money (for us it was from the wildlife and gaming department of NC) and you answer and a recorded message says: "This is a call from the NC Wildlife and Gaming Department, we are experiencing high volume calls now, please hold for a representative." Ok, let me get this straight, I am holding so you can ask me for money??????????????? Uh............ NO!

2. Someone needs to take the credit card from "Santa" at our house. SHE (hint included there) is out of control! How many gifts are too many from "Santa?"

3. I couldn't wait for Mike to leave for work today. Yeah, that's pretty much it on that one. :)

4. WHY must all boys play with themselves? It's like the best toy ever -- hmmmmm, rethinking the Santa thing since they already posess the best toy ever!

5. Why is Feliz Navidad the most annoying Christmas song ever? Why can I not get it out of my head? It is the single reason I look forward to Christmas being over!

Merry Christmas from the BOTTOM of my heart

I was looking for Christmas Carols that might be funny to "fit" this picture and I found this one... (courtesy of Wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quelle_est_cette_odeur_agr%C3%A9able%3F. Seriously??????? I had to chuckle...Incidentally, this cute little elf displaying his DERRIERRE was the gift I gave last year for our annual White Elephant exchange. He somehow floated through the neighborhood collecting miscellaneous junk that matched a 12 Days of Christmas poem written just for him. His FANNY ended back up on my porch and he bared his ARSE for all as my centerpiece.

Last night was our Bunco group's annual White Elephant Christmas. I wish I had thought to take more pictures of the beautiful gifts (crap) that were so graciously shared (pawned off). In fact, one attendee was so BUMmed about her gift, it ended up at my house where she so subtly left it BEHIND next to her SEAT. I received a lovely ornament about the size of a basketball and with colored mirrors on it -- resembling a disco ball -- it clearly will hang on the BACKSIDE of the tree.

I gave away a Bobblehead Jesus which is sure to become a treasured family heirloom. Actually, we may have witnessed a miracle. He was taken out of his package and began leaking from his neck (POSTERIOR position) some sort of substance that we hoped was holy water, BUTT was most likely lubrication for the spring to help him bobble. I really wanted to find a bobblehead nativity scene -- complete with ASS and all. There is always next year.....

Another gift that is sure to be cherished was a motion detector singing Santa head. He is truly a site to behold -- if you can stand the horrendously loud singing. I actually really wanted this gift, but, alas, he went home with another. That was the END of my singing Santa head pinings.

So, this concludes my TAIL as I am running out of words that are synonyms for RUMP or HIENIE (and/or running out of ways to incorporate them!)

Do you deserve it?

I hear this all the time. The notion that we deserve anything is just absurd to me. I mean, I don't think we are pond scum or anything, but I also don't understand how I would be anymore deserving of all I have than someone in Uganda who lives in a mud hut. I don't believe I am owed anything at all, but I find myself easily slipping into the "well, if we just had this...." or "if I just get a few more presents for the boys...." All around us, it seems people feel as if there is a measuring stick by which we are evaluated that makes some of us more deserving than others. How can that be????

One of my very favorite sermons was preached by John Claypool. He lost his daughter to leukemia when she was just a girl. He based the sermon on the story of "The Good Samaritan" and spoke about how important it was to feel grateful for what we have -- not entitled. The Samaritan was one of the hated, one of the most shunned in society, yet felt compelled to help the man lying on the side of the road. Incidentally, the Samaritan stopped to help one of the men who would have ordinarily shunned him. Claypool watched his young daughter die of leukemia at a young age. The only explanation I have for the generosity of the Samaritan and the courage of Claypool and his wife to face that situation, is that they were unbelievably grateful for life. They viewed life as we all should -- a gift, not an entitlement or something we deserve. And, when life is a gift, shouldn't we do all we can to TRY to deserve it? I so want to live this way.

I've thought of this some in light of our healthcare system -- or lack thereof -- in our country. How do we not have this figured out yet? Why do we not have a system that provides for all? How can Canada, England, France and Cuba have this figured out and we do not???? The only explanation I can figure is that we feel people must be entitled to it -- they must be deserving to receive. I think that it is, in fact, our responsibility to care for each other -- deserving or not. I think that is what God is saying to us.

WHY am I not cleaning?

Seriously, WHY would I be on here "blogging" and not cleaning? WHY? There are layers of dust on my furniture. In fact, I am scared to know what I may find under those layers. I am terrified of our half bath downstairs. For a week now I have been going upstairs and totally out of my way when I need to pee rather than brave that room. Having 4 penis' in the house do NOT make cleaning a bathroom fun! So with all the dirt and grime in my house, did I spend my day cleaning???? NO! Instead of cleaning today, I addressed Christmas cards, went to Target, went to the mall, pretty much did anything EXCEPT clean. And, now, of course, I am blogging just to put it off a few minutes more.

You know what else bothers me about cleaning? Before you can even bust out the actual cleaning supplies, you must clear the clutter. Clearing the clutter is even worse than cleaning. Clearing the clutter entails having a place to put all the crap. We simply do not have enough crap storage. It just does not exist. Of course, I am sure we would have much more storage for crap if I cleaned out the current crappy crap to make way for the new, wanted crap.

I really want one of those makeover shows to come to my house and organize my playroom. Hell, while they are at it, just do the whole house! I don't care as much about decorating, because I enjoy that, and, let's face it, if Hilde from Trading Spaces came into my house and stapled a shitload of records on my wall I would have to smack her around. Records?????? Anyway, as I was saying, I'd love some additional storage solutions that did not involve packing up and moving to a larger house!

What else can I possibly bitch about? Clearly, if I sit her long enough, I will find something bitch-worthy, but, alas, I must clean.

Will they make me lose my mind?

So, clearly, I am creating this blog in the midst of some absolute craziness in our household. I'm chalking the insanity up to a few things:

• There are three small beings in our house age 5 and under.
• Christmas will be here soon and "Santa" is not ready.
• There are three small beings in our house age 5 and under.
• Mike works like a dog during the holiday season.
• There are three small beings in our house age 5 and under.
• I'm hosting a holiday party in a few days at our house that not only looks like a tornado has hit, but throw in a hurricane and an earthquake and you will now be getting a more accurate picture.
• There are three small beings in our house age 5 and under.

It occurred to me today, the second Sunday in Advent -- "Peace" -- that there is very little of that in our house. It's a great kind of chaos. It's the kind where along with the screams and the fights and the dirty diapers, you get an equal amount of kisses and hugs and great little insights and discussions from these little people. They are just as captivating as they are infuriating. I am forever grateful for the chaos that comes along with being the mother of 3 boys.

However, as wonderful as the chaos is, it is still chaos. And, in case you are lacking chaos in your own household, it can cause headaches! It can also cause a condition I like to call "Screaming Mommy" which, in turn, can also lead to headaches!

I have always wondered about people who aspire to be "happy." Happiness seems so temporary. No one walks around in a CONSTANT state of happiness. What I have always wondered, is why more people don't aspire to be content. It seems to me that we are all way too caught up in the next event in our life. Why not just be content with today?

I am happy many times during the week, but what about content? It seems what I should really strive for is contentment (then, evidently, I should strive to learn how to spell since I have edited this post 3 times already!!!!). Content to be who I am, content to live where we live, content with the things we own, content to not own things we may want.... Why is this so difficult for me to achieve?